peaks

I woke up on the airplane feeling a bit fuzzy and as my eyes started to wake up, I noticed some strange clouds off in the distance. And then my heart started pounding as I realized that I was looking at the Himalayan Mountains! I have been dreaming of seeing these mountains for many years, drooling over friends photos from treks and adventures they had in these ancient mountains, and I could hardly believe I was seeing them! I was on my way to Sikkim, a tiny north-eastern province that is bordered by Bhutan, Tibet(now China) and Nepal. The four hour bumpy ride up to the capital city of Gangtok included views prayer flags, and surprisingly large villages that have settled along the river. It was a hot ride, and I was pretty exhausted from an overnight bus ride the previous night on a dilapidated bus that went from Rishikesh to Delhi and passed through some amazingly stinky areas that woke me up from sleep! As you can imagine, I fully appreciated the delicious home-cooked food and the hot bucket of water that awaited me when I arrived at the ashram where four of my Chicago friends have taken up residence. The next week was a beautiful, healing experience, and difficult for me to describe in words, but I will do my best:


I arrived on the eve of the spring equinox, and there was much excitement and preparation going on for a spring celebration that included making offerings and blessings to the goddess. Each morning I would jump out of bed and peak out the window to see if the white fluffy fog had lifted so that I could get a glimpse of the peaks, only to find a sky that was 90-100% white, and I only a few layers of peaks. But even that small amount of topography brings me peace. There is something about seeing the three dimensionality of the earth that gives me a sense of space and reminds me that there is something much much larger and expansive than my small experience of life. Towards the end of my stay in Sikkim, I started to feel a bit sad, even though I thoroughly enjoyed the thunderstorms and rainstorms (even after getting almost totally soaked after visiting an orchid show). And when I reflected on this sadness, I felt like it could be a metaphor for my inner atmosphere. Sometimes when I check in with my clients when they come to me for bodywork, I ask them how their inner atmosphere is, or maybe I am asking for an emotional weather report. And I was feeling a bit cloudy, especially surrounded by these people who were so dedicated to their spiritual practices. But throughout the week, as the ceremonies progressed, I started to feel more in touch with my inner divine nature, and realized that the sun is always shining brightly in my deep inner self, and all of my peaks and valleys can be viewed with clarity. The "clouds" that come in my life can be observed in my meditation practice, and if I can manage to stay neutral and not react to them, I can experience more peace and an expansive view of life where everything is accepted. I was grateful for the vision of the peaks that I had on the airplane, and kept them in my heart as I explored the area outside of Gangtok, enjoying the more subtle things like the waterfalls and the beautiful green foliage, as well as the smoothness of the skin of the children, and the wrinkles on the elders faces. Sikkim is a beautiful melting pot of people from the surrounding countries and cultures, and it was inspiring to see Buddhists, Christians, Hindus and Muslims living in the same area in peace.

As far as touch goes, this area did not have many opportunities to receive touch, so I ended up sharing touch with the people in the sangha (spiritual community) and I was glad that I had something to offer in return for all the amazing nourishment I was receiving, both nutritionally and spiritually (plus, it was a great atmosphere to practice my new Thai massage skills!). It seems like sitting in the meditation posture for a really long time can cause some significant physical challenges. And, as some of them shared with me, when they are cleansing and purifying their energy body, physical discomfort can surface. I was inspired by their strength to continue their personal practices, and by their faith that the practices their guru was giving them was the best thing for their growth. It was very interesting for me to observe the relationship between a guru and disciple. This relationship is not very well understood by those of us in the west. Guru can be defined as "one who is regarded as having great knowledge, wisdom and authority in a certain area, and who uses it to guide others (teacher). In Sanskrit, gu means darkness & ru means light. As a principle for the development of consciousness it leads from the darkness of ignorance to the light of knowledge." This person can be living presently, or long ago left his or her physical form (Jesus can be seen as a guru for many people!) I heard someone say that if you ever meet god and your guru after dying, you will bow to your guru before god, because you would not have such a close relationship to god without your guru's guidance. But it takes an immense amount of faith, trust and surrender to create this relationship, and I witnessed so much love and dedication going in both directions in this relationship at this ashram. I was relieved to see this because I have felt quite sensitive about gurus after one of my friends died in a horrible accident involving a sweat lodge that was lead by a man who acted like a guru (James Arthur Ray). I personally feel that a guru should help his or her followers become more in touch with their own inner truth and wisdom, and that the guru should continuously keep their own ego and intentions in check, so that they don't harm the people who have put their faith in their hands. And as I rode down the bumpy road back down from the mountains one week later, I felt assured that my friends are in good hands, inspired by their dedication, and more in touch with my personal "inner guru".

I also learned a lot about Indian culture, staying in this ashram. One thing I find interesting is that they see no need to say thank you or please. One person explained to me that because we are all connected, one person's happiness effects the other. So a smile is all that is needed. I found this so difficult to not say thank you, with the generous servings of rice bryani, dal, sag paneer, and sweets that were being heaped onto my plate! I also was amazed at the generosity that Baba had in spending time with me, despite all of his other disciples needs.

Have you ever tried eating sloppy food with your fingers? It is difficult to do at first, but when I looked around the table and realized I was the only one using a fork, I gave it a try and got to really enjoy it! Even when I was eating rice and soupy dal, I got to feel the texture with my finger, and stir it up to the consistency that I liked, and eat it right off my fingers. There is something really intimate about this. I found that I ate slower, enjoyed my food more, and digested my food very well!

Another aspect of Indian culture that I have a deeper understanding of is the way that women are treated and perceived. My friends have adapted the Indian dressing style which is very modest, baggy over the hips, and usually with a scarf draped over the chest area, and never exposing shoulders or cleavage. My understanding of the intention is to keep unwanted attention coming in from men. So I am attempting to dress more modestly, and though I do get stared at, I don't have many problems with Indian men. And if I do, I school them the way their mother would, with a fierce look and a strong "No!" Mostly, they are just curious... one guy I met had only talked to one other foreigner before. Difficult for a Chicago girl to imagine... I grew up in the melting pot of Logan Square, Chicago with Puerto Rican, Mexican, Polish, and Yugoslavian neighbors!

Hope the sun is shining in your inner atmosphere today!